Black Tears
by missers
Summary: or Four Times Sirius Didn't Cry and One Time He Did


Black Tears

 _Or Four Times Sirius Didn't Cry and One Time He Did_

 _One_

Sirius Black was miserable. His best mate, James Potter, was so mad at him he wasn't talking to him. His other mate, Remus Lupin, was currently in the infirmary and had told him to leave him alone. Peter Pettigrew wasn't even speaking to him, but following James around.

Two sixth year Hufflepuffs walked passed him, smiling and giggling. Sirius ignored the girls and pushed his food around his plate. He was sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table alone. Maybe he deserved to be sitting alone. He hadn't actually meant for anything terrible to happen to _Snivellus._ Snape was always boasting of his incredible dark arts knowledge. After all, Sirius had only answered his questions, the nosey prat. It wasn't really his fault if Snape decided to investigate on the night of a full moon.

"All right, Black?"

Sirius looked up and saw Lily Evans looking almost concerned. She had stopped to question him while her friends kept walking out of the Great Hall.

"Fine, Evans."

"Sorry I bothered," Lily rolled her eyes and followed her friends.

Sighing, Sirius pushed his plate away from him. He was just grabbing his bag and starting to stand when Professor McGonagall approached him.

"Mr. Black, the Headmaster would like to see you in his office before class," she told him sternly.

Another sigh and Sirius flung his bag over his shoulder. "Yes, Ma'am."

Professor McGonagall led the way to the winding staircase and to Dumbledore's office. She held the door open for him and as he passed, he couldn't ignore her disappointed expression.

"Ah, Mr. Black, please have a seat," Professor Dumbledore greeted him.

Sirius noticed immediately that the sparkle was missing from his eyes. In the last four years of getting in trouble, Sirius had never received a lecture _without_ the sparkle.

"I don't think I need to explain, do I?" Dumbledore started.

"No, Professor," Sirius answered. He looked up at the Headmaster solemnly. "Am I expelled?"

Dumbledore looked at Sirius for quite a while before responding. "No, Sirius, you are not. You will, however, serve detentions with Professor McGonagall every Friday evening until the holidays and no Hogsmeade visits. I think your friends will finish your punishment as they see fit. I need not remind you of the terrible danger you put Mr. Snape in, nor the situation Mr. Lupin would have found himself in."

Sirius nodded, suddenly feeling more miserable than before. If Remus had actually hurt Snape, or even _killed_ him…Sirius shuddered at the thought.

"I believe Professor McGonagall is expecting you in Transfiguration now. You may go," Dumbledore nodded towards the door before picking up a quill and returning to his work.

Sirius left the Headmaster's office with his head low and walked to transfiguration. Class had already begun and he attracted the attention of most everyone when he walked in and to his desk. He sat down and pulled out a sheet of parchment and a quill.

Neither James nor Peter ever looked at him.

 _Two_

"Ay, Padfoot, Mum and Dad are about to turn in for the night, you want to go out for a fly?" James walked into Sirius's new bedroom at the Potter's and plopped down on his bed. "Mate, I think Mum likes you more than me. All your furnishings are brand new."

Sirius smiled at James from across the room. He had just finished unpacking his things after Mrs. Potter had insisted on a grand dinner to celebrate Sirius officially having left his parents' home. The evening had been upbeat and entertaining.

"I still can't believe your parents _congratulated_ me on running away," Sirius sat in the desk chair and tilted it back on two legs. "I mean, _who_ does that?"

James grinned and tossed a bottle of Firewhiskey at Sirius. "My parents, that's who. You know they've always thought of you as family. You're better off here, mate."

"Where'd you nick the Firewhiskey?" Sirius opened the bottle and took a drink.

"Downstairs," James shrugged. "So you wanna go for a fly?"

Sirius took another drink before handing the bottle to James. "Nah, rough day. Think I might turn in early. Besides, we have all summer, Prongs. The whole bloody summer."

Grinning as he lowered the bottle from his mouth and handing it back, James agreed. "We should owl Moony and Wormtail to come over. Mum said something about the Puddlemere game in a few weeks. You want to go?"

Downing another swig of the burning liquid, Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Your mum wants to take all of us to a game?"

"No way, she'll get us the tickets and let us go," James replied. He put out his hand for the bottle. "Slow down, mate, you're gone from that house and that family for good now. No need to drown your sorrows."

Ignoring James's outstretched hand, Sirius took one more swig before plopping the bottle down on the desk. He coughed from the burning in his throat and slammed the chair back to all fours. "I am, aren't I? Mum's burnt me off the family tree by now."

"Crazy bat, that one," James commented. "You sad about it?"

"Nah, just can't believe I did it, is all," Sirius explained. "Long time coming. I don't have any family now. Guess I could find Andromeda."

"Padfoot, you have family," James sat up straight and looked at his best friend. "I'm your family. My parents are your family. The Marauders are your family. Who else do you need?"

Sirius looked at James and noticed the intensity in his expression. "Nobody, mate. I'm home, yeah? Second home after Hogwarts."

"That's the spirit," James nodded, reaching for the bottle and taking a quick gulp. "I'll let you be. We have a lot to plan before school starts, you know."

Sirius barked a laugh. "A new how-to-get-Evans-to-date-you plan?"

James grinned and handed Sirius back the Firewhiskey. He walked towards the door, but stopped and turned just in the corridor. "Best part about it, Padfoot? You left all those Gryffindor posters and pictures of muggle girls on your walls."

Sirius genuinely smiled, "Cheers mate!"

 _Three_

"Can you believe it, Moony?" Sirius fell into the chair next to Remus. "Prongs and Evans. Actually married. Mrs. Prongs."

Remus laughed, "After all the rows and nasty insults, they look happier than I've ever seen either of them."

"He deserves it," Sirius sipped his drink. "He deserves her. Just look at the way she looks at him, Moony. It's sickening."

"It's called love, Padfoot," Remus chuckled.

"It's a sight we needed to see, all this misery and fighting going on," Sirius grew pensive. "You're joining, right? We've got to fight this together, you know."

"I know, Sirius, but let's talk about that later. This is a celebration."

Sirius suddenly stood. "You are right, Moony. And as the best man, I deserve a dance with the bride."

Sirius strode through the small dancing crowd to the newly married couple. With a grin, he wrapped an arm around each of them.

"Padfoot! Where'd you run off to?" James clapped him on the back. "Lils and I wanted to say something."

"Well, you better say it before I run off with the bride, Prongs," Sirius gave Lily his best alluring look.

Lily laughed and pushed Sirius's arm off her shoulder. "Not a chance, Black. You know who my heart belongs to."

"That I do, Prongslette, that I do," Sirius grinned. "And no one deserves it more. Cheers!"

"A toast!" James raised his voice, gathering the attention of the crowd. "A toast to my best mate! Without Sirius, my head would still be up my arse and Lily wouldn't have married me! I'm the luckiest bloke alive to have him by my side!"

The crowed raised their glasses and cheered for Sirius. James clinked his glass with Sirius's while Lily stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek.

"I wouldn't change anything about my life, mate," James told him.

Sirius thought he would explode with happiness.

 _Four_

Sirius yawned as he opened the window and let the unfamiliar owl in. He untied the note and grabbed an owl treat, tossing it at the owl before it flew back out into the night.

He used his wand to check for spells before opening the note and reading it.

 _Padfoot,_

 _It's a boy! We have a beautiful baby boy! We've named him Harry James and he looks just like me except he has Lily's gorgeous green eyes. Lily's fine, just tired. I can't stop looking at him!_

 _Listen, Pads, Lily and I have been thinking and we want you to be the godfather. There's no one we'd trust more with that role than you. It would mean a lot to us, if you'd agree. With everything going on, we don't want any fuss, so we're going to christen him next Sunday in Godric's Hollow. You'll know the church. Please say yes._

 _He's barely two hours old and I can already tell he's going to make the Marauder's proud!_

 _Prongs_

 _P.S. Lily's giving you that look, so you better agree!_

Sirius let out a whoop that was sure to have startled his neighbors. Harry James Potter! Another Marauder in the making! And he was the godfather!

"Haha!" Sirius grabbed some parchment and a quill and sat on his messy sofa with the biggest grin he'd ever had.

 _Prongs,_

 _Merlin's beard! This is the best news since Wormtail grew that tail and couldn't get rid of it for a week during fifth year! Of course I agree! This little imp is going to lead the next generation of Marauders! Is it too soon to send him a broom? Maybe a snitch? I'll be there next Sunday!_

 _Congratulations, Prongs and Prongslette!_

 _Padfoot_

Sirius couldn't remember ever being happier. His _godson_ was better than being sorted into Gryffindor, better than becoming animagus, better than turning against his family, hell, it was even better than James and Lily's wedding. _This_ was happiness.

 _Five_

Sirius watched the liquid in his glass slosh as he swiveled it to and fro. He was cramped. Isolated. He felt like a prisoner again, this time in his forsaken family home. He wished more than anything that he could be _doing_ something. Anything would be better than nothing.

He thought back to his last conversation with Harry. If only he could have more time with him. More time to get to know him, more time to share the stories that Harry should have grown up hearing, more time to help him prepare to fight - because he knew that Harry would defeat Voldemort.

Arrogant little berks, _we damn sure were,_ he thought to himself. Sirius thought back to the day Harry had been questioning. It had been a warm day; they had just finished their Defense O.W.L. and were looking for something to do. Neither him nor James had been too keen on revising. Merlin, they had always been mean to Snape.

James was the one who truly had something against him, more so than Sirius ever had. But Sirius knew what he saw, a wizard too interested in the dark arts, and Sirius knew that road didn't lead anywhere good.

Sirius glanced around the study, remembering all the loud yelling matches that had occurred in here. He had decked his brother once, right by the fireplace. His mum yelled at him for days for giving Regulus a bloody nose, never mind the fat lip Sirius had received in return.

No, Sirius was as much to blame as James for the two of them being arrogant berks. His only true regret was the time he let it go too far. It took an entire week for James to start talking to him again. Two weeks for Remus. Once they made amends with each other, the bullying - he could say that now, in hindsight - had only gotten worse, now that Snape owed James a life debt.

Something changed, for both of them, that summer before seventh year, though. They grew up. The first war was raging then and they knew people who had gone missing or died. James realized what he needed to change in order for Lily to give him a look.

Sirius smiled. They were so in love, once they both fell. He was serious when he told Harry that James had been the best friend he'd ever had and that he was a good person. No one had made Sirius feel as alive, as proud to be who he was, than Prongs. They would go to hell and back to help each other and that hadn't changed in all these years.

His parents had taken him as their own when he couldn't be a part of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. They had become instant friends on their first train ride and never looked back.

Sirius didn't notice the tears running down his cheeks until one fell into his drink. They were tears of memory, of joy, good times, and all the times lost because of Wormtail. He felt like he let James down, agreeing not to be the Secret Keeper. He shouldn't have lost his mind when he went after Peter. He should have been there for Harry.

 _Well, damn it, Prongs_ , Sirius wiped at his eyes. _I won't let you down again._

 _-fin-_

* * *

 _It's been a while since I've written and posted anything! I wrote this recently for a HP class in uni. I'm looking forward to giving another edit to my posted works (and all will be posted at ao3 as well) and finishing up wdmc (as well as rtw). I'd like to thank all my friends who helped me with prompts for my writing assignment! And special thinks to Kaitsy for the beta read! Peace n huggles! ~missers_


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